don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
