How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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