yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
