Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
