I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
