I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
