Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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