wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
