Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
