in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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