He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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