Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
