is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
