you guys were way drunker than both of me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
