Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I puked a lego.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
