I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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