I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
