It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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