i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
