you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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