I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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