Soap is not a condiment
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
