Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
