Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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