I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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