I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
