her vagine was all disorganized.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You took a bar mat shot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
