nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
