what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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