I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
