dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
