Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just sent this text using only my big toe
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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