Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
