I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
