dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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