I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
