I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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