I think im going to throw up on grandma
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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