$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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