its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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