CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
