y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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