You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
