So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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