Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
