Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
