U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was a blind-side dick pic.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
