You're my little dorito
I'm going to jail i love you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
