And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
