I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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