MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
