I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
