she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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