I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
