I just threw up on my dentist
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
