you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
